5 Sexting and Texting: Relationship Rules

Love and Dating is just as difficult with technology as it is without it. One can only hope and pray that with so many tools of communication, technology would actually help us communicate better. Sometimes, the added stress of keeping up with communication through several sources doesn’t help because expectations of immediate response are high. Mind you, texting and sexting can be fun if you’re in a healthy relationship and digital communication isn’t your primary source of connecting.

Here are a few tips to help you determine when it’s a good idea to text.



1.Text is for casual less serious communication.

Keep formal conversations for face to face. Text is an informal way of communicating and fun and flirty comments are ok. Anything serious should be given respect by phone or face to face.


2.     Avoid Overtexting.

One thing that most people don’t understand is that texting is a form of communication. If you blow up someone’s phone, they may get tired of hearing from you and cut you out all together. Save this for people whose opinion of you won’t change no matter what you do, for example, family or close friends often communicate many times a day and its no big deal. With a lover you may want to keep a sense of mystery and distance to maintain some power or control. I’ve had girlfriends respond to this by saying, “I hate playing games”, to this I always say…”and this is why you’re single. Men love games…need I say more?”

3.     Everything is in Writing.

One huge and scary thing about texting and sexting is that everything is documented. Whatever steamy sexy thing you have sent to a lover can easily be retrieved if ever needed.   Everything you write needs to be taken seriously. Sending late night raunchy messages to a lover while dating someone else may come to haunt you. I have a married friend who had very explicit messages from his lover while his phone was charging, his daughter accidentally saw them and needless to say there was a huge family breakdown.

4.     Be Respectful in Company

Texting is just as bad as answering phone calls while out on a date or with your partner. There are so few things that are emergencies and require immediate attention. Focus on where you are and what you are doing. Answering texts from acquaintances you want to call friends is silly. Looking busy while out on a date or in company is even sillier. The most successful people make it all looks easy. If you look like you’re falling apart at the seams and have a million things you can’t handle, the sexiness factor dimishes.


5.   Turn your phone off at night

Possibly the most insulting thing you can do to your partner is keep your phone on while sharing a bed. It takes away from the moment and sets up a red flag.   I had a friend tell me the guy she was dating always kept his phone on with beeps for emails and texts. She was never sure if he had several lovers or if they were just emails. Men often assume they are a prize if many women want them but often women see it quite differently. You don’t want anyone to think you’ve got a slew of lovers and s/he is just one of them. Most people still want to be ‘the one” even if it’s just for the night. Turn off your phones and if you can’t do that, at least hit silent.

until next time.xoxox