House Work And Men: How To Let Go Of Being Perfect

Recently, my co-worker and I were both discussing things that frustrate us about our men (typical). In this particular case, my co-worker was talking about how, when she asks her man to do something for her, she can never trust that he will do it 'right' the first time and always needs to follow up. I immediately thought of at least five other women who all do the same thing. A few year ago I noticed that I was doing this as well and have since been trying to make an effort to trust his decision making skills (I am fortunate enough to have a very capable and smart husband). I think we have two choices; either we trust them as well as teach them to efficiently complete tasks to our standards, or we just do it all ourselves.

Photo courtesy of CarbonNYC

Sometimes, men just don’t know what we want and they need to be guided. In this case, I think it’s best to let them ask for guidance, rather than offering them our never ending opinions. I’m the type of person who gets stressed easily when things don't get done.   I came to a point in my life when I realised that I really needed help with the household chores for the sake of my own health and mental sanity. I was doing everything myself - balancing work, home, family, as well as extended family expectations. I did it all because I was a perfectionist and didn’t think I had the time to "teach' him everything that came so naturally to me. I was overburdening myself.

Photo courtesy of Sung Sook

Eventually, I decided that I really needed to allow him to step in and help out. And in order to do this, I had to change my expectations as well. I needed to teach and trust my husband to perform some of the household duties that felt burdensome. Of course, there were times when he didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher exactly the way I would have, or didn’t separate laundry "correctly", or didn’t buy everything I asked him to get from the grocery store (actually, he usually would buy too much!). When he didn’t do things the way I would have, I had to learn to appreciate the effort rather than become frustrated by what he didn’t do.

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Letting go and being less controlling about housekeeping duties makes me feel like my husband and I are more of a team. It’s strengthened our relationship and the weight lifted from my shoulders which makes me a happier person. Every one of us is in search of companionship. And true companionship is being able to share not only happiness, but responsibilities as well. A true and mature man will understand this and make an honest effort to share the responsibilities. And a man who doesn’t want to do this, is, well, not the type of man that I want to spend my life with.

I leave you with a quote that has truth to it and one that we can all learn from.

“I can’t promise you a perfect relationship without arguments over our
differences and trust issues, however, I can PROMISE you as long as
- Unknown