How Not To Approach a Woman.

Sitting across form me at Borders bookstore were two military men dressed in plain clothes, cussing and spewing insults at one another mercilessly. At first, I tried to ignore them, stuck my nose deeper into a new book I picked up by one of my favorite journalists -Mark Morford about his deviant journalism. I’ve been known to shut the world out in the throws of a good read so, I was hoping for a deep illuminating sweep of my senses. Ummm. Yeah, good luck on that one.   My problem? The guys were sitting across from me- so they were obviously in earshot saying the most horrible things. I had no choice but to be exposed to their   idiocies if I chose to stay.

“I’m going to pour oil over you and burn you” one of them said. Now that was enough to shock me to look up.

I contemplated leaving, thoughtless bulling disgusted me but before I could gather my things, one of the men said, “I’m going to say hello”. I didn’t expect the ‘hello’ to be for me so you can imagine my surprise when I could feel a body standing over me. I looked up from my book to find one of the men staring directly at me- he looked me right in the eye and said. “Are you Indian?”

“Yes, I am” I said.

“So am I, I was born in Chandigarh, I lived there and then I’ve been serving in the military. Afghanistan and Pakistan. I’m Indian” He pulled up his sleeve to expose a steel bracelet called a Karda to prove he was Indian, Sikh in fact. He was extremely charming and handsome. Light brown eyes with tan skin, he looked exotic. Short military buzz cut. In another circumstance, I would have talked to him, been impressed by his courage as a solider but I had just heard untamed tongue violate the air. He could barely get his name out, which made me wonder, “Who was he?”

In any case, his good approach but his bad behavior turned me off and scared me a little- so I thought I would allow a few thoughts here on L&P-   on how NOT to approach a woman. Here are my 5 rules -


  1. Don’t approach a woman after you’ve been bad-mouthing your buddy. Most women think that bullying and badmouthing are ugly- unless you’re doing to it to protect their honor or fighting for them- that's when it's heroic.
  2. Don’t approach a woman when she is with her family. It’s bad taste to hit on her while her mom or dad watches.
  3. Don’t approach a woman drunk. Most women know drunk=bad performance
  4. Don’t approach a woman when she is with her husband or boyfriend. That should be a clear sign she is taken.
  5. Don’t approach a woman if you haven’t showered and smell like the sewer. Nothing turns a woman off more than bad hygiene.