How To Flirt Over The Holidays

Flirting is a basic part of human nature. In my opinion, it's one of those harmless activities that everyone should engage in. Some evolutionary psychologists believe that flirting is the foundation of civilization as we know it. Arguing that the complicated language of flirting is a result of the complex human brain. All I know is that flirting is fun whether   you are   married, single or attached.

by o5com via Flickr

The key to flirting is etiquette. We all know there are basic unwritten rules that dictate our behaviour. Breeching etiquette can lead to some embarrassing mistakes...so to help you, I've compiled a list of a few safe flirting techniques.


by Walt Stoneburner via Flickr


The Eyes Have It

Hands down, the most seductive intoxicating technique is how you look at someone. Women and men don't master the gaze and what it means to see another. Sure, the casual eye gives a sign of interest but it's not really a flirtatious act. Engaging in   eye contact during conversations is imperative to building a real connection, so flirting or not, that should be a signature in all your interactions.   Subtle glances are a flirtatious seductive indicator of desire.Looking at someone and looking away has been a long held technique of women everywhere. To be honest, I am not sure it's as much of a technique as it is a bodily response. Wanting to look at someone and then shy away is pretty common behaviour. I often see babies or toddlers do this.

Most of us have no problem with eye contact as long as it doesn't extend into an intoxicating stare. And most of us start to feel uncomfortable after 3 seconds of deep eye contact. I recently had someone test this theory out with me and I have to say, after 3 seconds, it was hard to tell what to do next. I was completely flustered. My friend who seems to be a master at eye contact and doesn't shy away from extended eye contact reminded me how much power the eyes have. In fact, not shying away shows confidence and intensity -increasing attractiveness immediately.

Touch.

The second most important thing when you flirt is touch. To be honest, touch is good all the time as it increases social bonds and creates that amazing chemical in your body called oxytocin. Often called the cuddle chemical because it is increased when you cuddle or hug someone, oxytocin not only makes you happier but helps you fall in love. For myself, I can't help but touch everyone around me. I come from a very touchy family and can't imagine not touching the world around me. For those of you who don't come from the same background, your touching should be strategic only because you may not be as comfortable and light on how you execute touch.

A light touch on the arm or back while having a conversation is a non- threatening way to signal interest. This also depends on how well you know someone. If you are meeting someone for the first time, I would encourage you to proceed with care. Don't overstep boundaries and stay in safe zone such as arms, hands, upper back ect. I once had a girlfriend's boyfriend touch me on the small of my back which I found to be appropriate. (probably because I didn't think he was cute-sorry it's true)   If you know someone well and like them, you can get a little more intimate in where you touch. This is where the small of the back or face could work. Also, if you're flirting with someone who is married or attached understand their boundaries. I have a girlfriend who is married and enjoys a very open flirtatious relationship with one of her longtime friends. Because she doesn't see this friend often, her husband laughs when they hold hands or get cute. Apparently his wife doesn't seem to care either as both partners trust the flirtation is as far as it's going to go.

by Scootie via Flickr

Where To Flirt

Flirting is always fun when your having fun. During the holidays there are so many social functions, parties and all around fun occasions that it would be a shame not to flirt. According to Anthropologists, there is a special name for what happens to behaviour at parties and social gathering   and it's  called "cultural remission".   The temporary slackening of social rules. We all know this. What you might do at a party, you would never even imagine at the office or out in the public space. Having said that, you can be free to turn everything up just a notch. Stare a little longer. Touch a little more often and LAUGH! Laughing is underrated and probably one of the most wonderful flirtatious things you can do!

Signs of caution for women.

It happens a lot where men misunderstand friendliness for flirting. My sister was dating a guy a few years ago and he said that a girl had asked him if he wanted the last pastry. The only word she said to him all night. He was convinced she wanted him.   Both my sister and I were in confusion for hours, trying to figure out how those words could have suggested desire. Your signals shouldn't be too direct unless your intention is to suggest sexual availability. And if sexual availability is your signal, good for you.

Happy Flirting.

Mira.