MALE MIDLIFE AT 35?

I picked up a copy of Marie Claire while having a cup of coffee this morning and found a very interesting Article by Lauren Lonnotti on Male Midlife Crisis. The article suggested there are men in their 30’s who would rather ‘spend their time and cash on the latest iphone and rafting Zambesi, than on a wedding and curtains and kids’. It went on to say the 30 something bad boys can’t really commit to settling down, as their ‘got it all together’ girlfriends wait for them to build a family. Justin Timberlake was sited as an example, apparently he fled the scene when his mother cooed over the idea of kids he might have with Jessica Beil.

Justin-Timberlake

Some of these ‘Man-Boy” types are self-professed bachelors for life. They never want to get married, always keeping their options open. Moving from one relationship to the next, i.e. George Clooney.

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What Lonnotti does not mention is that these men often come with tons of baggage. All the celebrity Man-Boy’s she mentioned has baggage and a long list of women who will carry it for them. A Man-boy doesn’t have to be a celebrity to have baggage. He is simply someone who is afraid of what a commitment might bring to him. He is afraid of people seeing the ‘real’ side of him and not loving him for it. Its not that he can’t have a girlfriend, he has one or 2 for 2-3 years (the time it takes to really get to know someone) and then for some reason breaks up. George Clooney is notorious for this behavior.

The article is insightful but it lacks to understand that there are a whole slue of men out there who want to get married and have children. They want the beautiful wife who will be their partner for life. They have grown past the boyish fantasies of sleeping with ever pretty girl they see or playing video games in their PJ’s at moms house. Instead they are on bigger and better things.   Thought of creating a legacy and name for themselves, making a name and building an empire is where they see themselves. Take our leading man Barak Obama for example. Now, this man has no fear of commitment, he’s so jazzed on the idea, he’s committed himself to an entire country! And possibly the blue marble we call Earth as well.

barack-obama-is-superman

I am not sure if there is a midlife crisis at 35 or it’s just a bullshit reason for some men to never deal with their issues. Most of these Man-boy types have never explored the reasons why they are so afraid. It takes a real man to understand his vulnerabilities and his strengths. It takes an even bigger man to let go of the past. All previous relationships are not a culmination to a crescendo of future hurt!   And hurting is what makes it all real anyways! It’s what makes the good moments amazing, you know how bad it can be so appreciation of what’s good is authentic.

I enjoyed the article enough to understand Lonnotti’s insight on the situation. I know a lot of guys who fall into her Man-boy category. Every single one of them wishes they could be different. Every single one of them has tried to figure change without really doing any work on themselves. Ah, there’s the rub, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.

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